So last week I had my blood drawn to check my hormone levels, after one month of being off the Metformin. We got the results a couple of days ago, my insulin is high again, and hormone levels are a mess. I’m frustrated… the Metformin did its job and regulated my hormones, but the side effects were unbearable, and going back on it is not an option.
My dad did some research on Florinef (a corticosteroid) which I have been on for 5 years now (along with a beta blocker) for my POTS. He found that with long term use Florinef can cause high insulin levels, and my new primary agreed that it was a possibility. Maybe my recent diagnosis of PCOS is false, and this is really a side effect of a medicine not meant for long term use. She wants me to see an endocrinologist and my cardiologist, and my main concern is that I will have to reduce or go off the Florinef. I depend on the Florinef to keep my blood pressure up, if go off it, I might start blacking out again. If my POTS symptoms get bad again, that would really limit my options for working. Perhaps I could be a secretary, or a cashier (if they allow me to use a stool so that I can sit when needed). If anyone can think of alternative jobs, please comment and let me know your ideas, I would really appreciate it!
I’m not sure how I feel about this… If I go off the Florinef, my hormones might return to normal, but my POTS could get worse and limit me to a job that I hate. Or… my hormones could continue to get worse off the Florinef, in which case we will know that its not the medicine and I can continue taking it to control my POTS. I could have a more enjoyable job! But there’s no telling what will happen if my hormone levels continue to get worse. Mood problems? Weight gain/weight loss? Severe menstrual cycles? Hair loss? I really don’t know much about this area, and it scares me. Right now I’m feeling great off the Metformin, despite my screwy hormone levels, but I can’t just ignore a potentially serious medical problem.
On the bright side, my driving lessons are going great! Hopefully I’ll be able to take the road test by summer time and get my license, and even get my own car!
We noticed that a large garden supply store had a help wanted sign out front, so I applied for a job. I haven’t heard from them yet, but it was a huge milestone for me just to even submit an application. If they don’t hire me, there are several other stores that I can try in the area, or I could even get a summer job at a farm stand. Ok that probably sounds boring to you guys, but I like healthy food, and I like the outdoors, I think I would enjoy it.
My volunteer “job” at the barn is going great. I really get along well with Linda, who owns the farm, and its wonderful being around the horses. We already decided that I can’t handle a paying job, I’m not physically ready for that kind of hard work, but a few hours once a week isn’t a big deal. I want to keep volunteering as long as possible, its sort of the fulfillment of a childhood dream, even if I don’t get to ride. It brings back happy memories of my horse crazy days.
I’m trying my best to trust God, I feel like getting better is a “two steps forward, one step back” kind of process. Its scary, Its frustrating, I don’t like being blind about the future. Always bracing myself for whatever is coming just around the bend. The worry I feel is like a self-preservation instinct, its my way of “flinching” to protect myself from unseen threats. However, like flinching, it doesn’t do much good to protect me. Sometimes the blows come, sometimes they don’t, but there’s nothing I can do by worrying to protect myself from the punches. Why is letting go of my need to control so hard?
“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.”
― Will Smith (After Earth).