I know its been a while since my last post. I feel like so much has happened, but I would sit down to write, and just didn’t know what to say. I had some bad vertigo this morning and had to call in sick to work (I’m still a bit dizzy), So I figured I might as well get a blog post done while I’m stuck here on the couch.
Physically I’ve been doing great for the most part. My blood pressure dropped randomly a couple of weeks ago.
Also there were a few weeks mid summer when I started throwing up, but it was probably migraine related because I was overdo for my shots. That’s about it.
Working at Lowe’s is going great, and the managers are always understanding when I’m not feeling well (migraines, tachycardia ect), or need help with something. My plan was to look for a full time permanent position in the fall, but then I decided to enroll in a distance learning Vet Tech program through San Juan College. (Classes start today!) My dad isn’t thrilled with my decision, he thinks I’m rushing things and need to slow down. Maybe he’s right, but after years of feeling “stagnant” and being unable to make any progress with life, it feels good to rush a little bit. I was even able to secure an internship in a vet clinic, since my dad and I are friends with the vet! (The internship won’t start till spring or summer 2017.) I don’t think that I can handle working full time and taking college courses, especially since I come home with migraines and just want to rest after an 8-9 hour day at work. So I applied and got a part time job in the paint department! I love it, mixing paint is fun, I’m basically getting paid to play with colors, and I get a good arm workout in the process. I have a lot to learn though, there are so many different products and brands, all with different purposes, and most customers don’t even know what they want. They just hand me a paint chip or something to color match, and say “I want this.” Then we have to play 20 questions to narrow things down, and I have to nag the department manager or other employees with questions to make sure I’m doing the right thing. Hopefully I’ll get better at it with time, there’s just so much to learn and absorb.
Of course the downside to working part time, is that I’m broke. I love horses, and I was hoping to start 1/2 leasing, or saving to finally have a horse of my own, but even if i could manage to work full time and get my schoolwork done, I wouldn’t have any time or energy left over for a horse. It will have to wait till I’m done with school (if my health holds up). Maybe if I’m lucky I can still keep taking riding lessons once or twice a month, I don’t want to stop riding completely and get rusty.
My driving lessons are going pretty well too, and I’m hoping to get my license soon after my birthday. I’m turning 21 in a month, and it would be simpler to just wait till after my birthday since insurance rates change, and they need to issue a new driver’s license. There are still times when I feel uncomfortable driving (especially when I have migraines), but I’m trying to be thankful that I’m able to drive at all, even if I need to be cautious or follow restrictions.
I even managed to get time off this summer for a vacation, and we went to visit my best friend. Neither of us were feeling our best physically or emotionally, but we made the most of it.
Speaking of emotions, my mood is what I’ve really been struggling with this summer. I’m having problems on and off with severe anxiety and depression, and I’m not sure whether its hormonal, or mental, or spiritual, or maybe all three mixed together. It does seem to change around my cycle, which gives me hope that its hormonal and I haven’t gone completely batty. At the same time, I don’t respond well to birth control, metformin, melatonin, prozac ect, so If it is a hormonal or chemical issue, I don’t know what to do about it. I tried licorice root (active ingredient glycrrhizinic acid), which can raise blood pressure (good for some POTS patients), and lower testosterone and estrogen which can stabilize mood. It worked well for about 3-4 weeks, then stopped working and I weaned off it. I also tried L-theanine, and SAM-e, and both help, but I try to save them for my worst days and emergencies, because if I don’t want them to wear off and stop being effective.
Its gotten so bad that I’m afraid to be home alone, and my dad and grandparents finally said yes to having a dog. I adopted a pit mix earlier this month, and it was the best decision I ever made.
Most people don’t realize why we adopted him, they assume he’s just another pet. The truth is he’s my “emotional support” dog. He’s my child, best friend, boyfriend, and therapist all rolled into one. The ironic thing, is that I’m his “emotional support” person. He’s definitely been abused, but we don’t know much about his history. He’s nervous and jumpy, especially around men. The vet thinks his first owner used him in dog fights (or at least attempted to). He has bite marks all over his ears, face, neck, chest, and front legs, a broken tooth, and a chunk missing from his ear. My dad thinks he’s been beaten too, he’s terrified of anything you carry in your hands, even if its something harmless. Sometimes he’s the one who needs comforting, and it snaps me out of my negative mindset. Suddenly I need to be the positive and reassuring one.
Be prepared to be spammed with dog pictures in all my future posts ; )
The last one is from this morning. I fell down in the living room from the vertigo, and Jack wouldn’t stop licking me and pushing me with his nose till I crawled over and got on the couch.